Platypus by LongRoadPhotography (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

The platypus, where to start? The Australian mammal (Ornithorhynchus anatinus) has the bill of a duck, a tail of a beaver, the waterproof body of an otter, and flat clawed webbed feet. Did I mention it lays eggs, yet lactates? It’s a freak show. Some say they are the Swiss Army Knife of animals and others will claim they are proof that Mother Nature has a sense of humor. As a scientist I’m a bit more pragmatic, and take the platypus as absolute proof that even Mother Nature will go to work drunk off her ass.

She eventually sobered up, and felt bad about what she created. So to atone for her transgression she gifted the poor platypus with venom. That’s right, the platypus is venomous. That ever-so-cute half duck, half beaver, half snake thing combines to make one and a half cans of whoop ass.

Platypus Spur…

You ever been pinched by a crab? I have. A Dungeness crab. It f***ing hurts. So if you heard that someone died from a crab you might have visions of being pinchered to death, with their claws stripping away your flesh, leaving behind sinew and bone. This might be a bit extreme, and I’ve most likely just given myself a new phobia, but you should know by now that if I mention death by crab, that only means one thing: Poison.

Coconut crab (Birgus latro) by L-Bit (CC 0)

Yes, there are poisonous crabs out there. In this case, the Coconut crab, Birgus latro, the largest land-based arthropod known. So-named because of its ability to pry open a coconut with its massive claws, the Coconut crab makes its home in the South Pacific islands and feeds off of damned near anything: coconuts, fruits, seeds, even carcasses of…